A Casa assombrada

A dada altura de uma viagem de carro, sozinho, com a pressa de chegar a casa, sublimada pela vastidão da distância,

percebi que correra toda a vida em busca de uma casa,

ou melhor um sitio ao qual pudesse chamar a minha casa, o meu sítio, e que apesar de estar a ir para minha casa, ainda não o tinha encontrado.

Quando tive a sensata intuição de que nunca encontraria o que procurava, tive o sentimento de que não passara toda a vida a correr para, mas sim a fugir de.


Percebi então que por detrás do espelho da consciência havia um outro desejo escondido, e que era um duplo do primeiro desejo de encontrar a minha casa: o desejo de fugir da minha assustadora e opressiva casa de infância.

(E percebi que este desejo de fuga daquela que é a matriz de todos os nossos sítios – a Casa de infância– estava escondido pelo desejo de encontrar um outro meu sítio) Quanto mais procurava a minha casa mais estava a fugir da minha casa, e vice versa.

Percebi que nunca a encontraria porque estava precisamente a fugir dela, e que nunca conseguiria fugir porque estava a correr para ela.

Percebi que nunca encontraria uma nova casa porque as paredes da minha casa de infância faziam parte meu corpo. Transportava-a para todo o lado.


Percebi depois que a minha casa assustadora e opressiva era, e sempre fora, nada mais do que o meu opressivo e assustador caixão.

Percebi que estava de facto morto e que era uma alma penada.



E que, julgando percorrer o mundo em busca do meu sitio para habitar, estava na verdade a percorrer o mundo em busca do meu corpo para encarnar.









Adenda de 27-01-07

Depois de perceber isso, de conhecer que era um monstro, um "undead",
e quando julgava percorrer a noite em busca de um corpo para possuir,
estava na verdade em busca de um coração para habitar...






















texto: José Elias Nunes: "a casa assombrada"
Imagens: Dracula Castle
0.0 enquanto jovem
nosferatu tango
Emily

Soul searching (as usual...)

Short Report - Forecast
January 2007 to June 2007 for 0.0 (male)
born on 21 March 1971 local time 10:00 pm
in Lisbon, PORT U.T. 21:00
9w08, 38n43 sid. time 08:18:21

Planetary positionsplanet sign degree motion
Sun Aries 0°35'40 in house 5 direct
Moon Capricorn 22°44'15 in house 3 direct
Mercury Aries 14°44'18 in house 6 direct
Venus Aquarius 20°51'06 in house 4 direct
Mars Capricorn 5°41'39 in house 3 direct
Jupiter Sagittarius 6°27'10 in house 2 stationary (R)
Saturn Taurus 19°09'32 in house 7 direct
Uranus Libra 12°00'23 in house 12 retrograde
Neptune Sagittarius 3°00'06 in house 2 retrograde
Pluto Virgo 28°18'35 in house 11 retrograde
True Node Aquarius 23°02'05 in house 4 direct

House positions (Placidus)Ascendant Libra 27°51'17
2nd House Scorpio 26°03'30
3rd House Sagittarius 27°59'36
Imum Coeli Aquarius 2°19'09
5th House Pisces 5°21'15
6th House Aries 4°03'37
Descendant Aries 27°51'17
8th House Taurus 26°03'30
9th House Gemini 27°59'36
Medium Coeli Leo 2°19'09
11th House Virgo 5°21'15
12th House Libra 4°03'37

Saturn square Saturn: Soul-searching
Beginning of September 2006 until beginning of June 2007:
This is a critical period in which several aspects of your life and experience will be tested, especially those that began to be important about seven years ago. Most often this influence is experienced as a sort of identity crisis in which you begin to question what you are doing. You may suffer a crisis of confidence at this time, fearing that you have made the wrong moves in life or committed yourself to some course of action that will not be good in the long run. During this period you will think about and question all the long-term trends in your life. You will not be thinking about trivial matters.
Sometimes a particular event triggers off this period of soul-searching. Others may create difficulties for you, especially in your business or professional area. Perhaps they detect the first signs of insecurity that will afflict you during this period. If they are people who naturally compete with you, they may try to take advantage of your apparent weakness. Employers and other superiors may also sense your feelings of insecurity and wonder whether you are the right person for the job you are doing.
You must recognize that some aspects of your life need to be questioned at this time. But don't stand in one spot quivering about your life. Examine it and make whatever changes are possible and seem appropriate. Any project you started seven years ago or any new aspect of yourself that first surfaced then that is truly worth continuing will still be worthwhile after this period. This is a time of testing, and anything that withstands the test will be better for it. Things that do not pass the test are well got rid of. Shortly you will enter a period of stability and fruitfulness that will justify the events that take place now. In fact, if you are truly conscious of your life and your objectives, you will not undergo a real crisis at all. You will only go through a period of examining what is working and what is not. Your difficulties with the outer world at this time are signals about what you should be doing.

Saturn opposition Venus: Adversities
Mid September 2006 until end of June 2007:
This influence often signifies a crisis in your personal relationships. Love seems harder to come by, and you may cool off toward those who used to be dear to you. Or they may cool off. This is a period of testing old relationships to find out whether they can survive and make a contribution to your life. It is rather difficult to establish new relationships, for this is a time for culminating the old, not beginning anew.
This influence indicates that your need for relationships is in strong conflict with your need to feel like a distinct, separate and definite individual. Either you are such an individualist in your relationships that others find it difficult to relate to you, or the relationships smother your sense of individuality. You may feel very lonely even in the presence of your loved ones, because a wall has been built up between you and them.
It is absolutely essential to reexamine your relationships at this time to determine exactly your rights, duties and obligations and those of your partner. Probably you have been trespassing upon each other's prerogatives, and the tension that this causes has led to your current difficulties.
One common manifestation of this influence is becoming involved in a relationship that makes very heavy demands on you. Although you would rather not be involved in it, you find it difficult to break out of. All you can do in this case is to persist and do whatever you have to do. If you simply abandon this relationship, you will almost immediately encounter another relationship like it, and another and another until you live one of them through.
This may also be a time of material and financial adversity. Here again you will have to examine your past attitudes toward material resources and perhaps change your whole orientation toward them. Try getting along with less; you may find that you need less than you had thought.

Pluto square Pluto: Which category?
Beginning of January 2007 until beginning of November 2008:
This is a period of general regeneration, which may not be entirely pleasant. Most of us are attached to the past whether or not it is good for us. And this influence will root out precisely those elements of the past that are not good for you, even those aspects that you have forgotten about. Problems that you may have lost track of entirely but which are still working unconsciously in your life may reappear and become active now, usually but not always to your detriment.
This influence is associated with forces for change that are inherent within the hidden depths of things. Therefore you should not blame the unpleasant changes that occur now on circumstances or persons in your environment. Look within yourself to see how the groundwork for the present is laid in the past.
Many things may be destroyed at this time, and the destruction will be ruthless if you defend them with rigidity. The action of this influence upon unyielding entities is particularly harsh. Therefore you should simply allow the things of the past to fade and allow the future to be born on their ruins. If you can do this, the potential for positive change is very great.
This influence may also increase your concern about the creative and regenerative processes within the universe and cause you to become interested in the occult. However, certain aspects of the occult, such as magic, are best avoided during this time, because the energies involved will be difficult to control now. Although your conscious mind may be in control at first, you are likely to find that entirely unconscious forces within you have taken over and are running you completely. This can have disastrous consequences.
You may also get into severe power struggles with people who are trying to prevent the changes in your life or who are trying to expedite changes that you are resisting. Look very carefully to ascertain which category they are in.

Jupiter sextile Uranus: A favorable change
Mid January 2007 until end of September 2007:
At this time you desire to make positive changes in your life that will lead to greater knowledge and experience. While the energy of this influence is not usually disruptive, it does make you impatient with the routine limitations under which you normally live. You will probably try to make changes in your immediate environment in order to deal with this impatience. It is also quite possible that the changes will occur more or less spontaneously, with little effort on your part.
This influence can be mentally very exciting. You are attracted to new ideas that are challenging in a positive way. Not only are you receptive to them, but you can grasp them more easily than usual. Often under this influence you are able to solve difficult problems in your life because you can approach them from a fresh perspective. You may develop an interest in science or other technical disciplines.
Social reform is another area that you might be attracted to, feeling that the old solutions are not adequate. Also, sudden opportunities may arise, such as a sudden financial gain or a sudden job promotion that will allow you to do much more than you have done before. This influence may also tempt you to take chances with finances by speculating or gambling.
In a larger sense, it is difficult to say precisely what you can expect during this time because the nature of this influence is so unpredictable. But you can expect some occurrence that will materially alter your plans for the immediate future, and you can expect that it will be a favorable change. Your immediate future is likely to have many more possibilities than are apparent now.

Jupiter trine Mercury: Intelligent plans
End of January 2007 until mid October 2007:
This is not a time when you should wait for things to come to you. But you can do quite well with it if you communicate with people, look for opportunities, especially in business, and look for good items to buy or sell. This influence confers the ability to see events clearly and to make plans intelligently, which will serve you well in any of these matters.
You are able to put yourself across with confidence and warmth, which will make other people believe you. They will also respect your sincerity and the clarity with which you communicate your ideas. Even if you tell someone something he or she doesn't want to hear, you can do it so that the other person will feel good about you for saying it.
This is an excellent time to take up the study of a new subject, and the more abstract the better. But you also have the ability now to translate abstract ideas into practical reality, which can be very useful in organizing and planning your activities in any sphere of life.
On the psychological level you can expect a period of optimism and positive thinking, fortunately based on reality. You have big ideas, but you have the basic sense to understand what can and cannot be done. This contributes greatly to your effectiveness at this time.

Neptune conjunction Venus: The beauty in everything
Mid February 2007 until beginning of December 2008:
This can be a fascinating time. It will stimulate the idealistic side of your nature in a most beautiful way, and you will see beauty in everything. For artistic and creative people this is one of the most powerful of all influences. Your imagination will be more active than ever before, presenting you with innumerable beautiful images to create from. Even if you are not especially artistic, this influence will bring poetry, music and art into your life.
Relationships can be very difficult if you do not keep a clear head. This is the romantic influence par excellence. You may fall madly in love with someone because she seems so perfect and ideal, although the truth may be quite different. This influence does not automatically mean a bad love relationship, and the object of your love may or may not be worthwhile. That is not the point. Even if your loved one is worthwhile from a clear- headed point of view, that is not what is attracting you. If you are lucky, when the fog lifts you will find you have picked someone who is quite good for you. But you may have difficulty accepting her faults, because you were so wrapped up in your ideal of perfection that you did not notice them before.
One other theme during this time is the illusion that your only need in a relationship is to make the other person happy. Sometimes people will carry this theme to the extent of seeking out someone who is truly a loser in order to "save" him or her. A relationship with a sick person, alcoholic or drug addict is a manifestation of this pattern. Be very careful to avoid this tendency; when the influence is over you may find that you have committed yourself to a very ungratifying situation.
Another situation may arise that is related in reverse, if you feel that you are the unworthy person who needs to be saved. In this case you would seek out someone who could "save" you, rather like falling in love with a guru figure. The problem with both of these manifestations of this influence is that you are not relating to the other person as an independent equal.

adoro os teus

.

porque são onde tu começas.

Existe alguma cidade que resista a uma tempestade de pólen?

Existe alguma tempestade de pólen que consiga destruir um castelo no ar?

(
PS:
"Se fosse possível afogarmo-nos na relva", pensou Elphi, "poderia ser a melhor forma de morrer"
)









imagens: greenman, grãos de pólen, castle in the sky (kimag3500), B-17 Flying Fortress "bei einem Angriff über Europa"
texto: Jorge Sousa Braga, 0.0, Gregory Mcguire (A bruxa de Oz, pagina 282)

?

?

?

And have you ever wanted something so badly
that it possessed your body & your soul
through the night & through the day
until you finally get it!
...
And the whole goddamn thing starts all over again.
...
Could God really be so cruel?
To give us feelings that could never be fulfilled. Baby!
I've got my sights set on you. I've got my sight set on you
And someday, someday, someday, you'll come my way.

But when you put your arms around me
...
'cause I ain't ever found peace upon the breast of a girl
I ain't ever found peace with the religion of the world
I ain't ever found peace at the bottom of a glass
...

texto: de "true happiness this way lies", The The.

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS

I


I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.







II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.








III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.








IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.







V

I walk down another street.

by Portia Nelson

Take Another Little Piece Of My Heart

Didn't I make you feel, oh baby, like you were the only one
Baby didn't I give you nearly everything that a woman possibly can
Honey you know that I did
Cos each time I tell myself that I, I think I've had enough
Oh, I am gonna show you baby, that a woman can be tough

I want you to come on, come on, come on, come on
And take it, take another little piece of my heart now baby
Break it, break another little bit of my heart now darling
Yeah, have a, have another little piece of my heart now baby
Cos you know you got it and it makes you feel good
Yes it does

Yeah you're out on the street, babe you're looking good
Deep down in your heart, you know that it ain't right
No, no
Cos you never never never hear me when I cry out at night
Honey I cry all the time
And each time I tell myself that I can stand the pain
Oh you take me in your arms, I sing it once again

I want you to come on, come on, come on, come on
And take it, take another little piece of my heart now baby
Break it, break another little bit of my heart now darling, yeah
Have a, have another little piece of my heart now baby
Cos you know you got it, it makes you feel --
It makes you feel so good
Babe makes you feel so, it makes you wow
You know sometimes it makes you feel so... good


Janis Joplin








I Want You
Oh my baby baby I love you more than I can tell
I don't think I can live without you
And I know that I never will
Oh my baby baby I want you so it scares me to death
I can't say anymore than "I love you"
Everything else is a waste of breath
I want you
You've had your fun you don't get well no more
I want you
Your fingernails go dragging down the wall
Be careful darling you might fall
I want you
I woke up and one of us was crying
I want you
You said "Young man I do believe you're dying"
I want you
If you need a second opinion as you seem to do these days
I want you
You can look in my eyes and you can count the ways
I want you
Did you mean to tell me but seem to forget
I want you
Since when were you so generous and inarticulate
I want you
It's the stupid details that my heart is breaking for
It's the way your shoulders shake and what they're shaking for
it's knowing that he knows you now after only guessing
I want you
It's the thought of him undressing you or you undressing
I want you
He tossed some tattered compliment your way
I want you
And you were fool enough to love it when he said
"I want you"
I want you
The truth can't hurt you it's just like the dark
It scares you witless
But in time you see things clear and stark
I want you
Go on and hurt me then we'll let it drop
I want you
I'm afraid I won't know where to stop
I want you
I'm not ashamed to say I cried for you
I want you
I want to know the things you did that we do too
I want you
I want to hear he pleases you more than I do
I want you
I might as well be useless for all it means to you
I want you
Did you call his name out as he held you down
I want you
Oh no my darling not with that clown
I want you
You've had your fun you don't get well no more
I want you
No-one who wants you could want you more
I want you
Every night when I go off to bed and when I wake up
I want you
I want you
I'm going to say it again 'til I instill it
I know I'm going to feel this way until you kill it
I want you
I want you

Elvis Costello

Regra 3

Tantas você fez que ela cansou
Porque você rapaz
Abusou da regra três Onde menos vale mais

Da primeira vez ela chorou Mas resolveu ficar
É que os momentos felizes
Tinham deixado raizes no seu penar
Depois perdeu a esperança
Porque o perdão também cansa De perdoar

Tem sempre um dia em que a casa cai
Pois vai curtir seu deserto vai
Mas deixe a lâmpada acesa
Se algum dia a tristeza quiser entrar
E uma bebida por perto
Porque você pode estar certo Que vai chorar

Este poema de Vinicius, musicado por Toquinho, e magistralmente cantado por Beth Carvalho, é dedicado a todos nós, os que perderam amores um dia por não ter dado o suficiente. Ou por outras palavras: “Why does love never touch my heart as fear does” (The The)

5 e tal Manias e Taras de um Gajo Estranho

“O amor é um gajo estranho” (João Peste)

"Sou praticamente demente" (Jorge Palma)

"Abracadabra, abre-se a porta"(Paulo de Carvalho)

Fui desafiado pela Woman para descrever 5 manias, caprichos da minha pessoa. Resisti durante muito tempo, não apenas por falta de disponibilidade, mas sobretudo pela dificuldade da tarefa.
Sou um ser das sombras, não gosto de me revelar, ataco de noite. Gosto e necessito de manipular a imagem que os outros tem de mim, porque não me conheço bem, e nem sempre gosto do que me conheço.

Mas ganhei coragem. E revelo aqui, especialmente para um anjo negro, algumas das mediocridades e demências ou mesmo coisas naturais, que me caracterizam para o melhor e o pior, e o assim assim. Agora é que é.
Love me or leave me.

Gatos: Tratar a minha gata como se fosse a minha dona e eu o seu animal de estimação.

Unhas:

deixar crescer as unhas dos pés até não poder mais. deve ser o meu chamamento ancestral da selva. Tive dissabores com a minha ex-mulher por causa disto. Ela estava quase a dormir, eu passava os pés nas pernas dela e ela tinha um susto de morte porque parecia que um monstro estava dentro da cama. Ela dizia que eu fazia de propósito; eu sinceramente já não sei.

O Traseiro das Mulheres:

Tenho a mania de olhar penetrantemente para o traseiro das mulheres. Não consigo resistir. Mais uma vez o apelo da selva... tem a vantagem de ser mais discreto do que olhar para os seios. Para o provar, aqui vão uma série de desenhos de Paolo Serpieri.

Roubar:

Tenho a mania de roubar coisas de lojas, e não pagar bilhete nos transportes só pela adrenalina. Sou cleptomaníaco. A última coisa que roubei foi uma revista na estação de comboio. Não estava para esperar pela fila.
(p.s. também sou clitomaníaco, mas isso não falo aqui)

Os cigarros de enrolar:

Tenho a mania de fumar cigarros de enrolar. Li muito Lucky Luke quando era puto e isso teve uma influência decisiva na minha fumigação excessiva. Sou capaz de procurar mortalhas rizzla+ azuis até ao fim do mundo.

Megalomaníaco:

Alguma vezes por ano tenho a mania que sou o Messias e que vou salvar o mundo. Mas tenho também a mania de trautear a canção dos The The "if you can't change the world, change yourself, and if you can't change yourself, then change the world"

Auto-retratos:

tenho a mania de fazer auto-retratos. Eis aqui mais dois deles.

Bom e como isto tem que se passar a outros eu desafio os próximos: Z , A., Freira_Erótica, Maria, mademoiselle rouge